Sunday, October 12, 2008

LAPCPADPOUB Day: The ballad of Pushkin's ear

This post was inspired by Happy Mouffetard (or Mouffe as I see she is sometimes now calling herself, which is a jolly good idea, quite frankly, because Happy Mouffetard is a bit of a mouthful - or should that be a handful? - to type out, and Mouffe is a lovely, soft, squishy sort of name).
Where was I? Oh yes; anyway, Happy Mouffetard, or Mouffe, had the fabulous idea of hosting a bloggers' day entitled Let's All Post Cat Photos And Dire Poetry On Our Blogs Day, or LAPCPADPOUB Day for short (not that it is very short, but never mind). That day is today, 12 October.
The true genius of this scheme is that you can make of it what you will. If one is a hater of Cat Nutters (as James Alexander-Sinclair vows and declares he is not), one can simply pull the duvet over one's head and ignore the whole thing. If one is an admirer of Kewt Kitties (as JA-S puts it so sweetly), one can jump right in and wallow in 24 hours of feline felicity. And if one is a bit embarrassed about expressing one's affection for one's cat, and utterly incapable of writing decent poetry, one can simply pretend that the whole thing is an ironic wheeze designed to amuse the garden blogging community (and in particular HM and VP).
I have to confess, I would have fallen into this last category if it were not for the fact that my cat, Pushkin, managed to shred part of his ear during an altercation with some unknown creature this week. The injury required a trip to the vet and left me feeling rather disenchanted with the joy of pets. I attribute this to the lingering aroma of cat urine in my car. So here's a picture of the little toerag, and a rather grumpy poem which I hope makes up in embittered sincerity for whatever it lacks in artistic merit. As you can see, the ear looks a lot better already.

The ballad of Pushkin’s ear
Respectfully dedicated to JA-S in the hope that it might prove suitably stomach-turning

Pus oozes from a wound, and there's a stink.
The cat is rather listless, and I think
Something’s wrong here.
There’s been a fight, and my cat’s come off worst.
As usual, it’s my son who spots it first,
A septic ear.
I call the vet and grab the hated basket
Line it with paper, an insulated casket
in which to pee
The cat yowls all the way along the street
Passers-by turn round to hear him bleat
Eyes accuse me.
A large injection, then a larger bill,
Instructions, and an even larger pill
To give each day
Pills must be crushed and hidden in the food
So cat won’t spurn the the stuff that does him good
And rot away.
We journey home: the basket’s soaked with wee
Why do these things keep happening to me?
(Good question, that.)
Once through the door, Push takes his pee-stained self
And jumps up on a nice clean kitchen shelf
That bloody cat


Titania said...

Hi Victoria, well, well do you recognize that you are a born cat poet? Pushkin looks lovely and it looks like his ear is OK too. Thank you for stopping by my
L....b Day.
Also my best wishes to your husband Craig.

HappyMouffetard said...

Pushkin is gorgeous!
Love the poem. I'm sat here going through peoples posts with a great big grin on my face. I hope they will bring a bit of a smile (probably ironic) to all those passing by the blogs taking part in LAPCPADPOUB day!

Thank you for joining in LAPCPADPOUB day,

VP said...

Fantastic Victoria. NAH gets over the cat wee problem by letting them out of the basket into the car on the way home from the vets. They're a lot happier, though my heart's in my mouth (re accidents) until they're home safe and sound again.

Zoë said...

oh that is so familiar, pee coated cats - EWWWWWWWWWWWW!

I have to take Mia and Jazz for the boosters soon, I may have to defer or delegate.

Victoria said...

Titania, thank you so much for visiting.
HM: Thank you for coming up with the idea in the first place. I'd been looking forward to it.
VP: I've tried the 'out of the basket' routine, but Pushkin kept trying to climb into my lap while I was driving.
Zoe: I hoped the vet would be able to give Pushkin his booster while I was there with the ear, but he said his immune system was trying to cope with too much at the moment. So I've got to go AGAIN. AAAAARRRRGH!

Carol said...

This is the first I've heard of LAPCPADPOUB. I'll have to give serious consideration to a feline oriented post on my own blog, even though I don't own a cat, and I'm a terrible poet. I guess I'd have to go with a limerick or something like that.

Poor Pushkin... poor you!

Carol, May Dreams Gardens

VP said...

I think that's happened with NAH a few times, Victoria. That's why my heart's in my mouth! Luckily the vet isn't too far away...

Also NAH is quite firm with our two and manages to get them to settle down on the passenger seat - eventually.

Yolanda Elizabet said...

Great contribution to LAPCPADPOUD day, loved the poem! Pushkin is absolutely gorgeous, pee coated and all. ;-) Is he a true Russian Blue, as he looks remarkably like one.

My post on LAPetc is up too. Bring a bucket!

artistsgarden said...

Wonderful Victoria - the cat is nice too.
I least it was pee and not "the other" which one of my cats always did.

Benjamin Vogt said...

Poor Push! If he knew you'd written this poem about him he might just decide to lay into you. MY wife's cat, for no reason, will suddenly go nuts and attack her with teeth and claws. We think he does this when he doesn't get enough attention. Her arms look like she cuts herself, or that I abuse her or something. Anyway, I'll let YOU write a poem about that for me. I expect it by Wednesday.

emmat said...

yes i think you have truly captured all the joys of pet ownership in this great poem xx

easygardener said...

Luckily my cats just howl on the way to the vets and are wee free in the car. I expect Pushkin is pleased that his ear has been immortalised in verse (and his wee).

HappyMouffetard said...

Ted has a tendency to 'park his breakfast' (so to speak) when on a trip in the car. He then shuffles to one corner of the cage and looks accusingly at the 'deposit'. On one memorable occasion, he then threw up. We nearly did, too.

Victoria said...

Carol, thanks for visiting
Yolanda, Emmat and Karen: I thought your LAPCPADPOUB Day blogs were absolutely inspired. I just could not stop laughing.
Easygardener: Pushkin is currently stuffing his face, as per usual.
Benjamin: You're on! Shall I email it to you, teacher? Or post it on my blog?

Juliet said...

I love your poem, Victoria - it made me laugh. Pushkin is a gorgeous cat - I hope he's feeling suitably apologetic about the whole affair, but I'm sure he's not.

Mr. McGregor's Daughter said...

Sick, twisted, demented - I loved it! Pushkin is a pretty boy even if he does have a shredded ear.

nancybond said...

What a gorgeous cat! I do hope his ear (and your pocketbook) recovers quickly. I thought your poem was brilliant!

James said...

It is very true that a great deal of pet owning involves inappropriately sited bodily fluids. I salute your efforts at taking literary realism to greater heights: a plateau that cat based poetry seldom reaches.

Frances said...

Hi Victoria, your writing is a wonder and your cat a handsome lad. The urine soaked cat is a vision of which dreams are made, no?


themanicgardener said...

That poem was much too good to qualify for this meme.

Given the behavior of Mouffe's cat when in the car, I'm surprised she still has any. (But I did laugh.)


Benjamin Vogt said...

Oh my. I back now. You called my bluff.